you can't rock it or knock it or bebop it

my future guy

Sun, 23 Aug 2009 20:15:23 GMT

We're just physical creatures of the unverworld --

Mon, 27 Jul 2009 18:25:11 GMT

Poppies in July
Sylvia Plath

Little poppies, little hell flames,
Do you do no harm?

You flicker. I cannot touch you.
I put my hands among the flames. Nothing burns.

And it exhausts me to watch you
Flickering like that, wrinkly and clear red, like the skin of a mouth.

A mouth just bloodied.
Little bloody skirts!

There are fumes that I cannot touch.
Where are your opiates, your nauseous capsules?

If I could bleed, or sleep!--
If my mouth could marry a hurt like that!

Or your liquors seep to me, in this glass capsule.
Dulling and stilling.

But colorless. Colorless.

22.2 lb

Sun, 26 Jul 2009 16:22:52 GMT

If you're no one 'til someone loves you
Then you're two people maybe more
'Cause it's not just how much I love you
It's how much of you I adore
I came into this world without you
I'm going out the way I came in
And in this life if I can not have you
Let the roadrunner chase begin

I walked these streets before I ever knew your name
And now since you've been here they'll never look the same

I was born without you, I was born without you
I was born without you, why can't I live without you now?

It was the first day I can't remember
Or the big day that I forgot
Coming into this world of wonder
All I know is it hurt a lot
Now if that's what it takes to meet you
That's as much pain as I'll allow
If I got through the worst without you
Why the hell can't I do it now?

I walked these streets before I ever knew your name
And since you've been with me they'll never look the same

I was born without you, I was born without you
I was born without you, why can't I live without you now?

-- Tracy Bonham "I Was Born Without You"

I was so terrified to be in this bed (our bed) again after you left. Now I am terrified to leave it. Though I'm alone, I feel you here more than anywhere -- sheets dirtied, sweat and tear soaked, dotted with blood and skin: us undifferentiated in the memories we birthed here, where I made you laugh and we slept together finally. Oh, I miss you so much. It passed in half a breath. I have no words. I'm tiny again.

Paparazzi

Sat, 25 Apr 2009 13:24:37 GMT

Let me just be dead fucking honest and serious for a moment. What this has done to me... it is one of those rare things, one of those moments that are so specific and clear and intensely beautiful. It's spiritual. It's crystallized in my brain already. I want to talk about how it makes me feel, how everything swells up inside me, but I can't because there are no words. I feel so deeply thankful for her, truly, to say the least.

For everyone who never saw past the fucking latex and lipstick: this is for you, mother fucker.

This Summer

Fri, 24 Apr 2009 18:23:56 GMT

I have SO much crazy and fun shit coming my way:

May 9th I'll see Lady SOV in DC!
June 5th I'll see PJ MOTHER FUCKIN' HARVEY in DC.
June 10th (only FIVE DAYS LATER) I'll see NO DOUBT in fucking VA Beach.
And June 29th... MARIELLE ARRIVES. For a month!

And I already saw Britney! So, it's like... not only do I have all these things happening so close to each other, but they get increasingly emotional and intense as they happen, from Lady Sovereign to finally Marielle arriving. It's like one giant ORGASM of a summer.

And then, of course, to top it off: Gaga is in September. She's like... well, insert graphic sexual metaphor here.

I suppose I'll just burst. Just thinking about it all gives me anxiety, but I am tremendously excited. I feel I deserve some good things finally.

I just really wish I didn't have to get a fucking job. But whatever, it will be okay. I won't let that get me down when I have all these other gems to hold on to. At this point it will only be a detail anyway.

P.S. Marielle says "hi". !SNOT.

Makeover!

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 12:58:17 GMT

For the love of God, I think it is finally finished. I've completely re-done my layout (thanks to minty_peach). I can't believe I went so long with the last... thing. So come ogle it, bitches.

And by "it" I of course mean Gaga.

Anyway, it was kind of fun to do something like this again after so long. I'm super rusty, but I managed well enough. Maybe if I get back into really LJing for real I'll re-learn enough to actually make a shit out of my website :kills self:.

Regardless. Next mission: icons. Like, some real ones finally. ...Buuut not right now.

So actual next mission: move car in the pouring rain!

P.S. I am loling because for sure soon all of my entries will be tagged "lady gaga" for some reason or another.

Sixteen, Fifteen, Fourteen

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 16:14:49 GMT

Simple Pleasures

Tue, 07 Apr 2009 15:45:13 GMT

A woman in one of my classes had her university e-mail hacked into, and the hacker sent to every single person in the class, including the professor, the following message -

Subject: lick my balls: SOCY-391-003-2009Spring

I LOVE HAVING RETARDED MOTHERFUCKERS STICK THEIR RETARD COCKS INSIDE ME AND HAVE RETARDED SEX WITH ME....I WANT ALL OF YOUR RETARDED BABIES TO GROW INSIDE MY RETARDED UTERUS!!!!!!

A. MAZE. ING. The best part is that the woman didn't have her account back for a few days, at which time she frantically sent another message being like, "OMG MY E-MAIL WAS HACKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Oh, God.

Excerpt

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 19:06:46 GMT

Long fat coils of guilt, fear and defeat would bulge and loll from the churning mass then suck or slip back inside. Worst of all, the dark ball felt familiar, an unbearable sickness of weight and dread.

"What's inside there?"

"A Gloom."

-The Raw Shark Texts, p.282

Anxious stalling...

Sat, 04 Apr 2009 17:31:18 GMT

I'm supposed to be heading to this woman's house right now to pick up a treadmill I found on craigslist, but I am so anxious I'm gonna barf. So I'm writing this bullshit instead, and frantically trying to come up with a good excuse for having not left yet. I need/want a treadmill so bad. I mean, I'm getting it because I have too much anxiety to work out in front of other people. The only thing worse? ACTIVELY GOING TO SOME BITCH'S HOUSE TO GET ONE.

So.

Remember that time I was supposed to see Gaga last night, but the bitch postpone her show? Yeah.

But all is not lost, as I still have Britney in my brain anyway. I still have confetti from her concert in my right pocket.

And Gaga will reschedule... and when she does, I'll be waiting. With a baseball bat and duct tape. Just sayin'.

Gaga <3

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 05:02:14 GMT

by meee

BOOMKAT "Elated"

Sun, 22 Mar 2009 15:35:03 GMT

I can feel it comin' on
I can feel it comin' on

I'm so bored
Starin' at the clock, rock bottom, lyin' on the floor
But I cant be bored, never, not a second more, no
I feel it comin' on

Why can't I always feel this elated?
When I come down it's bound to show
Whatever it takes, I never hesitated
Then I come down so low

Why can't I always feel this elated?
Why can't I always feel this elated?

I'm movin' slow
The will to resist don't exist when my craving grows
I'm all alone, where did everybody go?
I feel it comin' on

The demons in my head have become my only friends

Why can't I always feel this elated?
When I come down it's bound to show
Whatever it takes, I never hesitated
Then I come down so low

It's hard enough
Getting out of bed each day
Its hard enough
Stayin' entertained
It's hard enough
Tryin' to figure out whats wrong
Until I feel it comin' on

The demons in my head have become my only friends
The demons in my head have become my only friends
The demons in my head have become my only friends
The demons in my head have become my only friends

Why can't I always feel this elated?
When I come down it's bound to show
Whatever it takes, I never hesitated
But then I come down

Why can't I always feel this elated?
Why can't I always feel this elated?
Why can't I always feel this elated?
Why can't I always feel this elated?

Just let me try to explain.

Mon, 09 Mar 2009 05:58:54 GMT

So the other day well I found me a lover
Had a little hustle down under the covers
It was delicious to me.

Can't you see me there
Daydreaming of our future?
OH MY GOD I painted such a pretty picture
But my prince he never got back to me
(Like lemon)

Answers, by BOOMKAT

Wed, 18 Feb 2009 09:54:16 GMT

Ah la dee da dee dah
Ah la dee da dee dah
Ah la dee da dee dah

So, just the other day somebody asked me
What happened to us?
And I really didn't know how to answer them
But I can tell ya this, what go around come around, kid,
And maybe I didn't or maybe I did, baby,
What's your opinion on this break-up?
Baby, and how's the view from your side of the story
So I don't gotta guess no more.

Gimme your side of the story
'Cause I don't really know how to answer them
All I know is what I did to you because you drove me to do it
And, baby, ah la dee da dee dah
ah la dee da dee dah
ah la dee da dee dah

So, I drove to your house
Went through your window
I waited in your bed, until you got home, 'cause baby I got to know

So, gimme your side of the story
'Cause I don't really know how to answer them
All I know is what I did to you because you drove me to do it
And, oh baby,
I've committed a crime against you and somebody
Well, they better just walk me to jail right now
'Cause I'm just a cannon on the loose
And I'm gonna blow at any time...

So, I drove to your house,
I went through your window,
I waited in your bed and you never came home,
Now, baby, I've got to know
So, give me your side of the story
'Cause I don't really know how to answer them
All I know is what I did to you because you drove me to do it

Side of the story
Side of the story
Side of the sto-ory

Fuck.

Wed, 04 Feb 2009 17:26:27 GMT

when you need to relax, just remember

Fri, 21 Nov 2008 08:46:42 GMT

the spiritual nature of poetry and bees

Sat, 15 Nov 2008 13:52:34 GMT

There's something about transliterating another's poem that makes it your own.

Typing out "The Arrival of the Bee Box" by Sylvia Plath for my tumblr blog was something of a spiritual endeavor for me by the end of it.

It's very powerful. I suggest you read it.

beautiful dirty dirty rich rich dirty dirty

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 23:26:15 GMT

Sun, 12 Oct 2008 17:17:03 GMT

I am in love with this.

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:06:30 GMT

Seriously, I am obsessing over this poem right now.

Animals are Passing from Our Lives / by Philip Levine / 1968

It's wonderful how I jog
on four honed-down ivory toes
my massive buttocks slipping
like oiled parts with each light step.

I'm to market. I can smell
the sour, grooved block, I can smell
the blade that opens the hole
and the pudgy white fingers

that shake out the intestines
like a hankie. In my dreams
the snouts drool on the marble,
suffering children, suffering flies,

suffering the consumers
who won't meet their steady eyes
for fear they could see. The boy
who drives me along believes

that any moment I'll fall
on my side and drum my toes
like a typewriter or squeal
and shit like a new housewife

discovering television,
or that I'll turn like a beast
cleverly to hook his teeth
with my teeth. No. Not this pig.

small gem found amongst an anthology of cliche

Wed, 27 Aug 2008 17:49:12 GMT

Housewife / by Anne Sexton / 1962

Some women marry houses.
It's another kind of skin; it has a heart,
a mouth, a liver and bowel movements.
The walls are permanent and pink.
See how she sits on her knees all day,
faithfully washing herself down.
Men enter by force, drawn back like Jonah
into their fleshy mothers.
A woman is her mother.
That's the main thing.

be careful what you wish for

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 17:09:29 GMT

Dick's (and why I wish I had one)

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:45:14 GMT

So, it was later in my shift and this girl came in. She was my age but accompanied by her parents.

She and her father lingered near the knee pads and water bottles discussing something else for a time while her mother wandered off. I imagined fucking her: pulling her hair, which was straight and shiny and hazelnut colored.

They checked out some 20 minutes later, by which time I had completely forgotten she existed. She clung to her parents as they slapped a yellow frisbee on the counter to purchase.

"Can I get this, can I get this?" the girl was whispering, saddling up next to her father with a twix in front of her face. She gazed up into his eyes sweetly. The look on her face when he said yes was one of expectancy and lust. After ringing it up with their frisbee, I took care to offer it directly to her.

"Do you want a bag for this too." She took it from me with such a beautiful, childish smile of satisfaction that I smiled too.

These moments are why working can be enjoyable, even when it is doing mind-numbingly simple work.

clarification

Fri, 01 Aug 2008 02:23:25 GMT

I've been distant from you, my dear LJ. Understandably, though.

Seeing as the the response to my last post was so incredibly whelming, I guess I should make myself more clear now. I haven't made a real entry in, I don't know, forever, so.

I do not want to discuss some of the things I am about to update you all on, so here is a short list of important events which occurred since my last real entry from which you can gather how I may have been doing on the whole:

Heather broke up with me.

...well, that takes care of that. Naturally I could go on and on endlessly about this, but I just can't.

To the universe:

Wed, 23 Jul 2008 16:40:56 GMT